Suffering and Leading

Thoughts on leading through struggles

It’s been a hard year so far. Lead with Clarity isn’t designed to be a personal blog about my life, but a helpful resource for Christians in leadership roles who want to grow in their ability to serve the people under their care. As I have been thinking lately about suffering and how to respond to it though, a certain amount of willingness to be transparent with vulnerability and our innate humanness is part of the gig.

I’ve been reading a book on Suffering by Paul Tripp and also spending time in Job. Both popped up on my reading without me thinking about the intersection with my current travails. Job was the first book in a reading plan on the Bible app through the OT Wisdom literature that was on my saved list, and the Paul Tripp book was the result of finally getting to the top of the Libby waiting list through my library. (As a side note, I do recommend Libby as a source for reading more, especially if you’re a Kindle user!)

One of the things I’ve appreciated about the Tripp book is that he’s speaking from experience and avoids minimizing any suffering. We can always look at what’s going on in our lives and think of ways it could be worse. Reading Job reminds me that what we’ve been going through is rather mild compared to his deal. The fact that it could be worse, however, doesn’t make it easy or in any way pleasant. Tripp talks about ways that we avoid leaning on God during suffering and gifts that God gives to help us to do that.

Have you ever been told (or maybe, like me, offered this adage at some point) that God doesn’t give people more than they’re able to handle? It’s a lie. We pull it from a misuse of 1 Corinthians 10:13–

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. (ESV)

When one is suffering, things that normally come easily might not anymore. If you're suffering physically, you may not be capable of things that you used to do. If your suffering is more on the emotional, wearying side it will affect your capacity as well. No matter what type of suffering, big or small, it has ripple effects in your daily life.

For me it’s been reading and writing, both of which I did quite a bit last year. Writing, in particular, has come with great difficulty for the last few months. Even when I know what I want to write about, I can’t get the words to come. It’s hard to keep focus long enough to fill up a paragraph some days, let alone a page.

Additionally, when you’re low on physical and mental energy, you lack resources to do what you love or the things that energize you the most. I’ve had no time during this phase to do much coaching, which is one of the activities that brings me the most joy. Not getting to sit down with other image bearers and listen to their stories and help them to see themselves and their super powers has been a big gap for me and I look forward to getting back to more of it when this part is over.

How do you react to suffering as a leader? Simply being aware of and sensitive to the suffering that is going on around you is a basic and important step. I’ve heard stories of people losing their jobs amidst illness or divorce or while grieving a loved one’s death. Often the first time you’ll be aware of a major crisis in someone’s life is when his or her work begins to suffer: make sure you’re connecting regularly so you spot that and respond appropriately! Asking the right questions when someone is struggling in their work can go a long way. What are ways that you can show mercy and grace to valuable people under your care when they have been hit with suffering beyond their own control?

Now let’s talk about when you, the leader, are the one who is suffering. We live in a broken world. No one gets through without some suffering, and some will suffer more than others. Too often, I have put on a good face and pretended everything is just fine. I’ve seen many other people in leadership roles do the same. How is it that we, as Christian leaders who know that everyone is fallible and broken, have so much difficulty showing weakness?

The people you work with should know that you’re going through tough times and that you struggle just like they do. This does not mean that you need to alert everyone through social media or give details that you still haven’t worked through in your own mind. The particulars can and often should be reserved for the close friends and family on your support team. You are a human being, though, and it is a good thing to be able to be open about your difficulties around the people you work with. If your team sees what it looks like when you hit the end of your individual capacity and are overwhelmed, they can know that you understand it when it happens to them.

How you respond to suffering, both in your life and the lives of those around you will at least in part determine how you’re perceived as a leader. Embrace your own humanity and the unique humanity of each person you have the privilege of working with. Show kindness and grace to those who suffer, even to yourself in hard times. When you admit that suffering in your life affects your work, it’ll be easier for your team to ask for help and grace when it’s needed on their end.

I’ll let Paul Tripp have the last word of reminder:

God is not shocked or surprised that you are discouraged. He doesn’t wring his hands, wondering what to do next. He knows every struggle of discouragement in your heart. He knows your cries before you cry. He knew that you and I would be weak; that’s why he promised to be our strength. He has promised never to give up the battle for our hearts until that battle is finally won forever. This means he fights for us even when we have given up the fight. Our desire to follow him may weaken, but he will never give up or turn his back on us. He knows us because he made us, which is why he sent his Son to be for us what we could not be for ourselves and to do for us what we could not do on our own.