First Name Basis

Power Dynamics in Leadership Series

We’ve become a little less formal than the society I grew up in, but when I was younger we’d talk about being “on a first name basis” with another person who was familiar to us or a close friend. You’d refer to Mr. Smith or Mrs. Jones or Pastor Anderson with their honorific and family name as a default until given permission to address someone by their personal given name.

I’m not going to defend the formality, but I know my father-in-law didn’t like it when someone jumped to using his first name without gaining some familiarity and closeness first, and I referred to him by his last name right up until his death as a sign of respect. I do think we’ve gone further in the informal direction over the past few decades than we should have, to the point where often people don’t wait around to find out how someone prefers to be addressed before assigning a name to her or him. This happens to me quite often: I go by my formal first name, James, and it’s super frequent where someone will just “shorten” it to “Jim” without checking with me first.

I’m not a fan of that, but I’ve grown comfortable with just correcting it and requesting to be called James. I try to listen when someone introduces themselves and even when I hear conflicting names (I have two friends named Anthony and Nicholas who alternatively go by Tony and Nick and have claimed no preference on the two monikers, for example) I try to double and triple check before settling in on one. When in doubt I use the full name rather than the nickname for a person.

We have a more modern convention on this where you “meet” people online and never know their real name. Getting to the actual name is a level of intimacy and familiarity that is significant. Knowing that username VeryBigDeal353 is actually Sam Spade is an invitation into someone’s real life, not just the online persona.

I follow a lot of baseball, which many of you know, and I have a huge peeve when a broadcaster assigns a nickname to a player without that player owning it. It seems to happen more frequently to Latino and Black players (though less these days than in years past). When Francisco Lindor played for Cleveland one of the radio guys called him “Frankie” and I’d never before or since heard him referred to that way. In the somewhat distant past, giving a “kid” style nickname to a person was a way of subtly exercising power over that person.

If you looked at the list in the first post and you’ve been keeping up with this series you’re aware that I skipped a name. I’ve made a point in most of these posts where I’ve pointed out that God hasn’t used many of them self-referentially. He doesn’t introduce Himself as The Provider, or The Creator or most of the names I’ve been examining in this series.

No, when God introduces Himself, He uses His “First Name”, Jehovah, or Yahweh. He uses a similar construct referring to Himself as I AM to Moses at the burning bush, and Yahweh/Jehovah is a derivative of the Hebrew for I am.

God is the self-existent one, and refers to Himself as such. More importantly, this is his familiar name. He has given all of us permission to address Him by His first name.

I hate that modern translations don’t just transliterate God’s name, “Yahweh” from the Hebrew (or even use the Latinized version, Jehovah) but have a convention where they use “LORD” in all caps to represent it. It bothers me that we don’t use the Name God gives Himself in our readings of Scripture and when we pray back the Psalms to Him. Why are we replacing His given name with a title? There is a Hebrew word for Lord, Adonnai and many people don’t realize that there is a difference between when that title is used versus God’s given name. Do you know what the name Jesus means? It means Yahweh is Salvation, or Yahweh Saves. When you see that all caps “LORD” in the Old Testament, you can easily read that as Jesus, the God who Names and gives salvation to His people.

So what does this have to do with leadership power dynamics? How do you properly or improperly exercise the power of your station with names? First off, know the preferred names of your team. People often go for years by a different name than she or he prefers because no one asks. Make sure you learn how to pronounce it properly and give each person the honor due them as unique image bearers by referring to each by name. She may prefer to be called Ms. Jackson over Janelle or he may prefer Tommy over Thomas. Take the time to get it right and treat each individual individually.

Second, make your name and designation approachable. What you ask to be called by your direct reports, particularly in private conversations, says something about you and your leadership. While I do occasionally lament some of the formality and politeness we’ve lost as a culture, that’s something you give to others, not something you expect from them. Take care not to force intimacy on others or demand respect for yourself with your naming conventions.

You want everyone you work with to be able to connect with you, to trust you, and to feel safe with you. Ideally each person should also feel comfortable to speak candidly to you about your own performance and leadership style and how it makes her or him feel in your presence and under your care.

God put all of us on a first name basis with Him and each person you lead should be just as comfortable and familiar with you. Your titles and expected formality too often bring distance rather than true connection and comfort and safety.

What struggles have you had with various cultural naming conventions? And what can I call you so that you’ll feel at home here in the comments?